Small Changes

 I am not the type of person who likes to show many private emotions, or worse, cry in public.  So, the past few months, I have really been out of my comfort zone.  The tears come as an unwelcome surprise. There are a few subjects where I know tears (eye leakage) will come, and one subject (MH's suffering) where it will be an ugly, blubbering cry.  It has improved, but I still have a ways to go.

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Yesterday, I mentioned something about my sewing room.  I love spending time in my sewing room. Sewing truly is therapy. A while back, nearly 2 years, I found MH at the point where he really had nothing to do all day.  It was sad to see, and he resisted every suggestion.  Finally, I got (tricked) him into sewing.  It worked. He enjoyed it and was doing really well. 

Once it became apparent that this new hobby was sticking around, we bought him a nice sewing machine and an Arrow sewing table (Arrow Kangaroo & Joey with Kiwi. If that sounds unusual, Google it - it's $2,000 worth of nice!). So going into the sewing room after he died was sad, very sad.  There were memories all over it, and the sewing table reminded me that he will never be back.  It was the one room where I said MH had to control his negative emotions or else he had to leave the room.  I think it was good therapy for him because I only had to order him out twice.  Anyway,  it was better once I removed his sewing machine, but there was still too much sadness in the room.  

Now, back to yesterday's post.  I reorganized my embroidery thread by using both Kiwi units.  I thought it might feel weird using his, but it was OK.  Then I decided that instead of having his sewing table fully open (it has a fold-down leaf that was usually up, and the tables faced each other), I would not only drop his table, but I would also move it against the wall.  This opened a large space in the middle of a small room.  And it no longer looks like he's going to walk in, sit down, and sew.  Because I know he will not.

The kiwis aren't visible in this photo.

#Kangaroo and Joey
#Sewing as therapy

#Small change big difference