I Never Thought

 This month, my moving forward feels like I'm wearing concrete boots.  I was off to a good start because my sister and I booked a trip to Germany in May.  But as soon as I hit the anniversary of MH's first surgery, and pictures of "On This Day" (over the years), it came to a halt.  I saw pictures of him right after the surgery with a big smile on his face.  I never thought that seeing that big smile was going to become very infrequent in the near future.  We thought that with that first surgery, our troubles were over!  Immediately after surgery, his brain started moving back across the midsection that it had crossed when the tumor took up all the space.  It was like he was returning from a lost world. He was given his life back.

We had no idea there would be a second surgery.  The doctor said he would never need another surgery.  But the small remnant that could not be removed because it was too near an artery was not destroyed by radiation.  I had no idea that he would die before 4 years had passed.  And neither did he.

So I've been going through this "I never thought" mindset.  I never thought when I took him to InstaCare that last time that he was in the last 12 days of his life.  The countdown had started, and I didn't have a clue.  When he was discharged from the hospital after 3 days, I never thought he would be dead in 9 days.  There were so many things that I never thought.

#meningioma

#Ineverthought